Sunday, March 29, 2009

things that remain

i awoke to the sweet melodies the birds were singing this morning. before my eyes even opened their beautiful music rushed into my ears. i lay silent, eyes closed, listening....breathing all the purity in. creation is truly amazing. the way everything operates and proceeds; the days keep on, the nights follow and the heartbeat of the earth keeps thumping. its all too easy to get caught up in the everyday. as much as i try to be aware and connected in relationship to that which is the most important; quite often i fall short. there isn't enough of me, to do all that i love so i must keep boundaries and balance in order to keep focused. quite often nature forces you into positions you'd rather not be, yet as the sunsets, so it will rise again. it may be dark for a time, yet that does not mean the light does not exist. there is light that breaks the darkness....and when you've been in the dark for awhile there is nothing as refreshing as the light! Thank you, my Creator, for the light!!

the very next day after my last post about my family being mine, and no one being able to steal them from me. the reality of those fighting words came to blows. i watched my sweet and yet feisty grandmother in her frail frame kick death in the teeth. this is the scar, the evidence of the fight.

big scar

she had gone down the steep stairs to her basement laundry room to fetch some clothes from the dryer. my handsome choctaw grandfather noticed she had been gone for quite a time, so he had gone to check on her. he found her standing still at the very top, laundry basket in hand, left side of her face drooping. he walked her to a chair, and told her he was calling the ambulance. she slurred, "what for?" he replied "because i don't want you to die." she ended up having a massive blood clot removed from her brain.

my tall, once raven haired grandfather, is a calm and quiet man. i have never heard his voice raised in anger or hatred and he always keeps his emotions in reserve. as we were standing over my grandmothers hospital bed i watched his dark eyes full of deep concern, look at his true love. scared and broken. she had no idea he was there. pausing in that moment; i could not imagine him without her. my heart ached at the thought.

as the sunset and rose again, i saw my grandmother not at her weakest, but at her strongest!! by looking at her small frame, shaven head and still struggling to understand her words, one might think she is weak. yet the words that came out fiercely were this "17 yrs ago i beat cancer, i can beat this too!"

there is no learning with out pain.


The pain passes but the beauty remains.
---- pierre auguste renoir

Monday, March 16, 2009

THANK YOU self righteous and judgmental people

it has been soooo beautiful here, so we've been enjoying lots of refreshing days at the beach. although today wasn't as sunny, but it was still refreshing!

boys who won't sit still for a photo!
big brudder

we've really needed it too as we've been really hammered by all kinds of circumstances trying to steal our joy and our family!! sorry ya just can't have 'em!! i KNOW what belongs to me!


daddy singing to the baby!

why she goes to the beach

will she swim? more than before this time it lasted only a few minutes!

i'm pretty slow to respond to anger yet man mess with my family--> that will motivate you've never seen!! over muuuuuch time i've become a incredibly patient person. really that is something that is soooooo _not natural_ for me and for those who know me now and have not seen how far i've come from.....really if you knew, you'd be surprised!! my temper used to throttle in about .3 seconds! i've been changed and rearranged- a total different person! thank you JESUS! if i relied on my own strength i'd probably pull some punches....right now mostly because self righteous and judgmental people REALLY REALLY get my panties in a big fat wad!! ....and most always it comes from those who are so "religious" and don't truly know me nor have taken the time to know me!! i'd like to say get to know me, or simply ASK me- i have nothing to hide, nor be ashamed of!! do that BEFORE you judge from the outside! please please though keep telling me what i can't do or what i'm not --->BECAUSE if you only knew it all MAKES ME STRONGER in patience AND helps me grow wise(r)! i keep RUNNING to my Creator with my fists full of crap, gossip and justified anger....and like sand hitting the wind.....from my ashes BEAUTY rises!!

so really i must THANK YOU for that!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Frida Frida, where's your Frida?

if ya haven't quite figured it out yet, i love the artist Frida Kahlo.
if you've ever been to my house, that's not hard to figure out! LOL and to all my astonishment there are still some who have NO IDEA who she was!


ok i've recovered now LOL....

and if thats your case then you might not give a hoot that i'm about to list some of my personal favorite Frida assemblages!! it took quite a bit of wrestling to let them go....BUT ya know its for a good cause! our adoption of the girls are quite costly and actually quite overwhelming if thought of in the whole lump sum! which i try not to go there often and lets not even go into the emotional roller coaster!! its not for the weary let me tell ya!! despite that we KNOW all this , you JUST can't put a price tag on a child!!! YET the unfortunate reality is there is a great price to help children get what _every person_ deserves! The right to love, to be encouraged and believed in no matter what!! Did you grow up in safe place to be who you are? OR having the opportunity to be complete in a family whether by blood or adoption? i hope you did! if you didn't, its not too late to change your heritage! i know i had to overcome ALOT of abuse, and every step of it hasn't been easy! YET together with God, we have created a future of hope for my children and they don't have to suffer the deep hurts i did, and therefore my future children, grandchildren and the generations to come have HOPE and the freedom from that! now that is a heritage i'm proud to pass on!

i absolutely feel one should not have to ask money what can i do? but rather that _i_ tell money what i want it to do for me (for others, for you,us etc)! don't let money dictate to you! money especially does not qualify anyone to be family!! our daughters are worth every sacrifice and so we're taking it one step at a time! we know that our circumstances don't define who we are, so we focus forward, one step at a time and move towards our goal! I wholeheartedly thank you if you've blessed us financially, or even encouraged us and prayed with us through each step, you truly have no idea of our deep gratitude!

SO here's the scoop... you may ask what do i love so much about Frida? well to name just a few was her colorful image and how she painted herself through struggle, how she (attempted to) overcome her physical pain, and also knowing her emotional suffering in that she longed for a child. listed below here are photo's of my favorite 5 pieces of my assemblage art featuring her! if you'd like to win the chance to please use the donation button to enter any amount you wish. really any amount is appreciated!! together we make a difference!

frida altered shirt

i'll put all names in a hat and have my husband draw the winner next Sunday! i'll also throw in some other frida magnets & lil goodies. perfect for gift giving or treats for yourself! if you would (only cause i wanna know it doesn't relate to the drawing) please comment on what YOU love about frida!

frida assemblage

frida can can

frida altered shirt

remembering frida shirt

frida glasses

frida kahlo shrine

THANK YOU!! if you know of any FRIDA ART lovers please feel free to post a link to here or on your blog!