Sunday, March 29, 2009

things that remain

i awoke to the sweet melodies the birds were singing this morning. before my eyes even opened their beautiful music rushed into my ears. i lay silent, eyes closed, listening....breathing all the purity in. creation is truly amazing. the way everything operates and proceeds; the days keep on, the nights follow and the heartbeat of the earth keeps thumping. its all too easy to get caught up in the everyday. as much as i try to be aware and connected in relationship to that which is the most important; quite often i fall short. there isn't enough of me, to do all that i love so i must keep boundaries and balance in order to keep focused. quite often nature forces you into positions you'd rather not be, yet as the sunsets, so it will rise again. it may be dark for a time, yet that does not mean the light does not exist. there is light that breaks the darkness....and when you've been in the dark for awhile there is nothing as refreshing as the light! Thank you, my Creator, for the light!!

the very next day after my last post about my family being mine, and no one being able to steal them from me. the reality of those fighting words came to blows. i watched my sweet and yet feisty grandmother in her frail frame kick death in the teeth. this is the scar, the evidence of the fight.

big scar

she had gone down the steep stairs to her basement laundry room to fetch some clothes from the dryer. my handsome choctaw grandfather noticed she had been gone for quite a time, so he had gone to check on her. he found her standing still at the very top, laundry basket in hand, left side of her face drooping. he walked her to a chair, and told her he was calling the ambulance. she slurred, "what for?" he replied "because i don't want you to die." she ended up having a massive blood clot removed from her brain.

my tall, once raven haired grandfather, is a calm and quiet man. i have never heard his voice raised in anger or hatred and he always keeps his emotions in reserve. as we were standing over my grandmothers hospital bed i watched his dark eyes full of deep concern, look at his true love. scared and broken. she had no idea he was there. pausing in that moment; i could not imagine him without her. my heart ached at the thought.

as the sunset and rose again, i saw my grandmother not at her weakest, but at her strongest!! by looking at her small frame, shaven head and still struggling to understand her words, one might think she is weak. yet the words that came out fiercely were this "17 yrs ago i beat cancer, i can beat this too!"

there is no learning with out pain.


The pain passes but the beauty remains.
---- pierre auguste renoir


Hilaree said...

How lovely. Thank you for this today - your thoughts are a blessing to me and brought tears to my eyes.

sf said...

Me too my dear darling Emmy. Love to you ALL, always.