Wednesday, September 30, 2009

when love speaks

If you've been reading my blog for awhile you may know my husband is from the beautiful Pacific Islands of Samoa. His family resides on the breathtaking SouthEastern coast of Upolu in the district of Aleipata. If you step out the back door of their fale, within feet you'll be in water.

Yesterday a tsunami struck the beautiful people of Samoa. A distraught phone call from our niece living stateside informed us that her mother had run screaming first alerting the village and then frantically running for her life toward the school where her children were on their way. Her oldest son was already off in the distance working the land. The whole village ran toward the mountain for higher ground. This occurred @ 6:30 a.m. We were driving to a birthday dinner with friends when we received the phone call. I could tell by the drop in my husband's face right after he said hello that there was disturbing news.

I tried desperately to help my husband curb his fears by stating it was good news that he at least knew she was alive. I asked about her children. She currently has 7 living with her from ages 24-6. Her husband had recently passed away. He responded with one of them is missing, he's in another village (Lalomanu) with her husbands family. His niece stated that during the phone call all her mom could do was sob in concern for him and then they lost connection.

After many failed attempts to contact her ourselves, we tried to talk ourselves into not panicking. Ok i tried, my husband was too overwhelmed. I kept finding positives. At least we had some contact with her, the kids are alive!! I could tell he was absorbed with knowing they had no warning, imagining the fear and panic, the aftermath, its was all too much.

We had no idea at the time of any details of the quake and its aftermath. I watched my husband for the next few hours break the phone circuits at lighting speed, alerting all our local samoan friends and family, trying to find out more info.

My husband was emotionally exhausted from not knowing, and he eventually went to bed around 1 a.m. I knew he would not really sleep without talking to her.

I walked quietly into our bedroom knowing he was still awake despite his eyes closed, so I sat on the bed dialing her number over and over, praying desperately. I didn't get a circuit busy recording! After about 4 tries of calling and absolutely no ringing, just silence...I found hope in that I wasn't getting a recording. As I dialed one last time - she answered!!! I smacked my husband fully awake and said TALK in fear the connection wouldn't last! As soon as he said her name she began speed talking, I could hear but not make out what she was saying she was talking so fast! After they talked for a few minutes, and lots of one syllable reactions from my husband, and even several different moments of him yelling her name to get her to stop her obsessive speed talking, so he could ask questions, I could tell he was about to lose it. He began to sob uncontrollably. I could hear her say please don't cry, its going to make it even harder for me. Since I could hear her talking and he couldn't over his own sobbing I kept trying to get him to calm down so he could actually talk to her about the others, knowing the phone call could end at any moment. He later told me he was trying to get his older nephew, (in his 20's) to talk to him, and he wouldn't or he couldn't speak because he was in tears. He said he could hear the other kids saying, uncle please come!! He felt completely powerless.

His nephew had just returned from going back to the house to try to gather some things. Apparently they couldn't get close because the water was still covering everything, and the house was completely gone. Elisa (his sister) gave him an account of who was known to be dead, and those still missing. Because of some of his family still not knowing who and what, I won't be sharing any details out of respect. She did say they had word that her son was ok even tho he was in Lalomanu (which we have seen absolutely devastating photos of complete destruction). She said that there were bodies still being discovered as they were covered in the sand and water. She stated that many of them had ran in all sorts of directions toward the mountain, and they were presently sleeping in the bush. She also said, a few had turned around to go back for their personals and lost their lives. I'm guessing this was after the first wave.

Their whole village has been destroyed.

Friday, September 25, 2009

its worth the risk!

I have been on a road that has been uncomfortable for quite awhile. Although I'm not uncomfortable in the spiritual sense. In the spiritual realm I'm dwelling in the peaceful shelter of My Refuge, despite the chaos surrounding me. Does this make sense?

I was reading over at Essential Prose and came across the post with the question above. I have had this knowing in my spirit that my familiar has long gone, and it isn't planning on returning. Even though I do like to take great risks and I don't bow to fear in the negative, I have come to this GRAND canyon. A vast empty and deep space that is so much bigger than me. I'm standing at the edge, agreeing this is remarkably unfamiliar now, knowing that I must not settle for comfortable any longer, and still yet I hesitate. There are times when I long to go back to the comfortable, even though I know there is no true security in it. As I stand here before the canyon, observing the enormous expanse, my natural eye is overwhelmed. There is a hovering silence of the unknown. My breathing echoes in my ears. Sometimes it is louder than I can bear and it hurts my head. I've leapt over previous familiars though compared to this monster, they were obviously only cracks. There is NO way that I can leap over this one.

Now this is where I wish I could translate my spiritual state to the natural! I have approached moments recently where my natural being starts screaming, pounding and stomping !!ENOUGH!!, and I momentarily lose focus. My natural says don't fall into the expanse!! My spiritual says, you must go in the depths to get across. CONFLICT! The warfare ensues! I find myself tangled in the beauty of being the created.

I am a piece of the Master Creator, therefore I also find comfort in knowing that I am only the created. I do not need to be in control, despite my survival demanding it. If I look at it through the Creators eyes I see most often my "uncomfortable" is a brush stroke that He simply has not completed.

If you are an artist, you will relate to this. You start a piece and are totally consumed by it, flowing freely and THEN suddenly by outside interference you lose your vision. Do you stop here? Can you come back to it? Do you just move on? What if you try to go back to where you stopped and yet you can't seem to pick up where you left off? Do you accept that you can go no further? Do you shut the world out and demand that you be left alone to pursue your vision? What do you do? What do you do when the limits of being the created, pursue you? Do you stand at the expanse and let it overwhelm you? Or will you allow the Creator the freedom to use your life, completing you, the whole work in His own time? I am so content in that His creativity does not have the limits that mine does. The expanse is part of His creation too. It defies logic. It defies reason. It does however have purpose.

So as I stand, looking out at the expanse searching, one thing I know for sure is that I can't go back. I have to leave what is familiar behind so I can move beyond my comfort, even if I must go down in the depths. Yes, I must brave into the deep unknown. I can't remain standing here much longer, its time to take the next step. He awaits patiently.

I know I'm not alone. He is omnipresent. His name unspeakable. He is even greater than the expanse before me. His omnipotence defies my limits, of this I am confident. The Creator speaks loudly by His creation before me; "It is undiscovered and unknown to you, yet the view is breathtaking. Come let me show you, its all worth the risk. Trust me. "

And so here I begin preparing for the unknown.
I'll share my journey with you in more detail
as it begins to disentangle.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

everyone needs a tiki!!

One look at this guy makes me mirror his smile!! Makes ya just wanna shake your hips yah?

Give love to a tiki today! Or better yet create one! If your not the creative type then just have a look round here, you'll surely be inspired!