Friday, September 25, 2009

its worth the risk!

I have been on a road that has been uncomfortable for quite awhile. Although I'm not uncomfortable in the spiritual sense. In the spiritual realm I'm dwelling in the peaceful shelter of My Refuge, despite the chaos surrounding me. Does this make sense?

I was reading over at Essential Prose and came across the post with the question above. I have had this knowing in my spirit that my familiar has long gone, and it isn't planning on returning. Even though I do like to take great risks and I don't bow to fear in the negative, I have come to this GRAND canyon. A vast empty and deep space that is so much bigger than me. I'm standing at the edge, agreeing this is remarkably unfamiliar now, knowing that I must not settle for comfortable any longer, and still yet I hesitate. There are times when I long to go back to the comfortable, even though I know there is no true security in it. As I stand here before the canyon, observing the enormous expanse, my natural eye is overwhelmed. There is a hovering silence of the unknown. My breathing echoes in my ears. Sometimes it is louder than I can bear and it hurts my head. I've leapt over previous familiars though compared to this monster, they were obviously only cracks. There is NO way that I can leap over this one.

Now this is where I wish I could translate my spiritual state to the natural! I have approached moments recently where my natural being starts screaming, pounding and stomping !!ENOUGH!!, and I momentarily lose focus. My natural says don't fall into the expanse!! My spiritual says, you must go in the depths to get across. CONFLICT! The warfare ensues! I find myself tangled in the beauty of being the created.

I am a piece of the Master Creator, therefore I also find comfort in knowing that I am only the created. I do not need to be in control, despite my survival demanding it. If I look at it through the Creators eyes I see most often my "uncomfortable" is a brush stroke that He simply has not completed.

If you are an artist, you will relate to this. You start a piece and are totally consumed by it, flowing freely and THEN suddenly by outside interference you lose your vision. Do you stop here? Can you come back to it? Do you just move on? What if you try to go back to where you stopped and yet you can't seem to pick up where you left off? Do you accept that you can go no further? Do you shut the world out and demand that you be left alone to pursue your vision? What do you do? What do you do when the limits of being the created, pursue you? Do you stand at the expanse and let it overwhelm you? Or will you allow the Creator the freedom to use your life, completing you, the whole work in His own time? I am so content in that His creativity does not have the limits that mine does. The expanse is part of His creation too. It defies logic. It defies reason. It does however have purpose.

So as I stand, looking out at the expanse searching, one thing I know for sure is that I can't go back. I have to leave what is familiar behind so I can move beyond my comfort, even if I must go down in the depths. Yes, I must brave into the deep unknown. I can't remain standing here much longer, its time to take the next step. He awaits patiently.

I know I'm not alone. He is omnipresent. His name unspeakable. He is even greater than the expanse before me. His omnipotence defies my limits, of this I am confident. The Creator speaks loudly by His creation before me; "It is undiscovered and unknown to you, yet the view is breathtaking. Come let me show you, its all worth the risk. Trust me. "

And so here I begin preparing for the unknown.
I'll share my journey with you in more detail
as it begins to disentangle.

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